Ah.. so here is the start of the mindless ramblings of a lost girl in Japan.
 Exciting I know.....
So this is what I have been wondering.. What is the best off for me? Coming back to Japan as soon as I can, or staying in the states for a while after graduating. Basiclly stay with Chris, or break it off.
It has been so damn long since I have been near him, I don't remember how much I actually love him. I don't want to regret not doing anything here, so I have been doing everything I can basicly do. (and anyone for that matter) Na, It's not that bad.. haha..
In Japan now I have Taku.. A 30 year old married man with a kid. But he is away from his family because of the military. So we keep eachother company. He buys me presents and food because my life is hell sometimes and even though I work I end up spending too much money on myself. The problem is I want a boyfriend here. I know things with Taku and I will never become anything and that I am just living a traditional Japanese affair relationship. (It is more common than divorce here...)
As for wanting a relationship I have 2 guys in mind. They are both in Kendo... One is Takahashi.. Same age, exactly.. day, month, year.. yeah.. great stuff.. same hight.. nice tall Japanese guy.. 2nd year in university. Very sweet, but always busy since he works and plays kendo and does school work.. So I don't know if he has time for me.. Then there is Yasuda. He is a first year. Right now he is still 18, but he turns 19 on the 29th.. and I am having a kendo party that night, so it will be a party for him too.. And I am going to make him some presents. He is really really sweet, and talks to me, and maybe likes me too.. I am getting some signs from him, but I can't really understand Japanese guys that much.
ok enough for now.. that is just the begining.. lol... | 
Bitter 
Sad 
Angry 
Bummed 
and Confused.. All at once.. 